Susan Quilliam

Susan Quilliam

When an intimate relationship is good, that affects the whole of your life for the better.

When an intimate relationship is painful… stuck… fading… challenging… that affects the whole of your life for the worse.

But it may not be easy to face such challenges on your own. Often what you need is someone to look at things from the outside, help you see what needs to change, support you to make that change.

If you’re currently struggling around intimate relationships, I offer coaching and mentoring to support you in gaining the love you want and deserve.


What are my specialisms?

I have particular expertise in helping you: recover from a past partnership, prepare for a new partnership, find love, build or enhance a relationship, reclaim fading love, resolve relationship conflict, end a relationship well, regain confidence to love again.

(Please note that I am a coach, not a counsellor or therapist, and if you have a specific issue that needs medical or therapeutic expertise, then I will refer you to find specialist help for that.)


What will we do?

In every session, we’ll allow plenty of room for you to explore your worries and concerns at a deep level. We’ll also work very actively to help you understand what’s happening, to see things in new and more useful ways, to develop and build your confidence, to increase your relationship skills.

I am particularly committed to helping you build a strong sense of ‘inner life’, so that you can be emotionally open, resilient, secure and congruent, living happily day-to-day and meeting relationship challenges with confidence.

I follow up every session with full notes of what we have discussed, and I usually set homework for you to do between sessions.

My experience is that clients usually know more than they realise about their situation – my role is to help you become aware of what you need and what you need to do. So although the work may sometimes be demanding, it will also be hugely exciting as we explore together how you can have the best relationship you can possibly have.


What some of my clients have said. . .

“I took Susan’s advice last summer and now couldn’t be happier; my partner and I are getting married.” M, Derby

“Susan’s coaching helped me resolve in only five sessions an issue I had struggled with for five years.” N, London

“Susan takes you on a journey from and back to yourself. Her experience means you are always supported, always encouraged and your boundaries are gently pushed. She has helped me to be more courageous and to take risks I didn’t think were possible. P, Cambridge

“Susan has been a fantastic help.  She helped me understand and get past my barriers to intimacy. As a result, my husband and I have discovered a new, highly erotic and wonderful side of our relationship.  Susan’s style is wonderfully warm, patient and non-judgmental.  I would strongly recommend her.” J, London


The practicalities

  • I work at Counselling King’s Cross every Wednesday from 14:30 into the evening.
  • I work with individuals and couples. If you are partnered but your partner doesn’t want to attend, you and I can still do useful work together.
  • I work in sessions of two hours, for which the total charge per session is £145. This includes full session notes and homework..
  • How long we continue depends on how quickly you advance – perhaps just a few sessions, regular sessions for some months, or ‘touchdown’ sessions every month to monitor progress.


What next?

I would love to hear from you and explore whether we can work together. So please do contact me by email on:


My background

My original training at the University of Liverpool was in psychology and then in education; through the 1970s I worked as a teacher and lecturer helping students improve their life skills.

At the start of the 1980’s, I became interested in personal development, first to help me resolve my own relationship issues and then as a way of helping other people. In particular, I trained in a self-help method called co-counselling and then went on to teach, teach teachers, and introduce co-counselling to Belgium. It was through co-counselling that I became especially interested in love and intimacy issues; I then supplemented this work with other courses and experience of teaching, management and coaching.

Now, as well as face-to-face coaching I give email guidance to clients of the Sexual Advice Association and Women’s Health Concern. I also teach courses on love and sexuality as a Faculty member of the global organisation The School of Life.

I have written 22 books on intimate relationships published in 33 countries and 24 languages, including books for the Samaritans and Relate; I am an Ambassador for Relate Cambridge. In 2008 I was privileged to be asked by the family of Dr Alex Comfort to ‘reinvent’ his classic book The Joy of Sex. My latest book, written for The School of Life, is How to Choose a Partner.

For the past 30 years, I have been involved with the intimacy work of several key organisations. I am on the Advisory Boards of Women’s Health Concern, and of the Sexual Advice Association. I have been honoured as one of the Family Planning Association’s 21st Century Achievers, nominated for the Our Bodies Ourselves Annual Health Hero Award, awarded UK Dating Expert of the Year 2015, and am a Patron of the Outsiders Charity which campaigns on sexual equality for the disabled.

I am a General Member of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, by whose Code of Ethics I abide, and an Associate member of the British Society for Sexual Medicine and the Royal Society of Medicine where I serve as a member of the Council for Sexuality and Sexual Health.